Saturday, April 12, 2008

[Top 5 Movie Quotes of the Last 25 Years]

I know I said the next category would be music related, but I had so much fun picking out favorite quotes for the first one I figured I'd give them the undivided attention they deserve.

Why 25? It's a nice, round number, whereas 28 (clean as it may be in terms of a decade cutoff) is not. Would've looked all oblong and ugly up there on the title line. And we're all about aesthetics here at DITF. So yes, that means Airplane, The Empire Strikes Back, On Golden Pond, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Porky's and Star Trek: Wrath of Khan are out. I am not, however, without mercy, so I'm including all of 1983 (even though technically only the latter eight months -- less twelve days -- belong to the time period in question), which means Trading Places, Return of lthe Jedi, Mr. Mom, Octopussy, Scarface and Risky Business are in play. You're welcome.

5.) No Country For Old Men (2007): "You keep runnin that mouth I'm gonna take you in the back and screw ya." -Llewelyn Moss
Couldn't find a picture of him on the couch with Carla Jean, so ignore the wet hair and gun. And the fact that he's probably looking at a dog. So many good lines in this movie. Haven't read the book, so I'm not sure if this one's in it. I heard the Cohens stayed pretty faithful, though. Thought about going with "If it ain't, it'll do till the mess gets here," the line Tommy Lee Jones seemed born to deliver. It manages to be endearing in that classic cowboy kind of way without crossing into hokey yokel-speak. Such a hard thing to pull off, and it's handled perfectly the whole way through.

4.) When Harry Met Sally (1989): "The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe you're either (a.) not at home, (b.) home but don't want to talk to me, or (c.) home, desperately want to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy." -Harry Burns
Since the first time I heard it I've been itching for an opportunity to leave this message on someone's machine. Maybe someday TBS will stop showing the movie five times per week so I can safely plagiarize it. They've shown no sign of letting up, though.

3.) Clerks (1994): "People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl Mom." -Randal Graves
This made me laugh when I was thirteen, and it still makes me laugh at twenty-six. Not sure if that says more about the quality of the movie or of the person watching it. (This film also gave a new and universally-recognized meaning to the number thirty-seven (at least among junior high boys.))

2.) Dazed and Confused (1993): "Wipe that face off your head, bitch." -Darla Marks
D&C has a lot of oft-quoted one liners, but this is easily my favorite. (On a related side note, last Monday I walked past a group of guys who'd just picked up their Greeked-out fraternity paddles. Ever the outgoing non-traditional undergrad, I turned to them and asked, "Where's the FAH-Q?" I got three blank stares in return. Thinking they must have misheard, I clarified, "You know, Dazed and Confused?" Still nothing. Made me want to snatch one away and take a few swings. (On another side note, this year's high school freshmen were born in 1995.))

1.) Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998): "Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. A normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow." -Raoul Duke (a.k.a. Hunter S. Thompson)

Maybe the most quotable film since the first talkies were released to the viewing public. I was going to pull out the bat country exchange, but it's sort of a dead horse nowadays, having had all but a sliver of its original coolness neutered via an ill-fated association with Avenged Sevenfold. Other contenders:

[Raoul]: You better take care of me, Lord. If you don't you're gonna have me on your hands.

[Raoul]: Quick, like a bunny.

[Parking Attendant]: You can't park your car here. [Raoul]: Why not? Is this not a reasonable place to park? [Parking Attendant]: Reasonable? You're on a sidewalk! This is a sidewalk!

[Raoul]: Look, there's two women fucking a polar bear!

[Raoul]: There's a uh, big machine in the sky, some kind of, I dunno, electric snake, coming straight at us. [Dr. Gonzo]: Shoot it. [Raoul]: Not yet. I want to study its habits.

[Dr. Gonzo] (to a waitress): Did they pay you to screw that bear?



*Top 5 Things That Defined the '90s*

Winner: Stephanie

5.) Dave Matthews Band - I really enjoyed DMB back in the 90s. Satellite, Crash, Ants Marching. I just wish Dave had stayed in the 90s...

4.) The Branch Davidians
- not only did this have a huge impact while the standoff in 1993 was going on, but it has pretty much irreversably changed the reaction of any person that I encountered when I revealed that I was from Waco. Countless David Koresh wife/child jokes and/or other B.D. references were born. And it was then that I knew I had to do whatever it took to get out of that town.

3.) Chicago Bulls
- someone referenced Jordan earlier, but for me it was the whole team. I still have vivid memories of watching John Paxson sink that three pointer with 3 seconds left on the clock that won them the game. I remember it was at my neighbor's house, in one of my friend's rooms on one of those 13 inch TVs. I think our parents were having a church prayer meeting in the living room or something, but we were soaking up the glory of the Bulls.

2.) Channel 1
- anything that took time away from having to actually learn anything, or talk about The Great Gatsby (sorry Mr. Heatmiser) was fine with me. How Lisa Ling and Anderson Cooper were able to survive with their careers in tact is still a mystery to me though.

1.) TGIF
- This Friday night block of ABC shows brought us so many unfunny sitcoms that I for some reason enjoyed and watched religiously. (the TV addiction runs deep, my friends). Perfect Strangers, Just the 10 of Us, Full House, Family Matters, and that Susanne Somers trainwreck, Step By Step. If Uncle Jesse and Urkel don't define the 90's, I don't know what does.