*Top 5 Action Movies of All-Time*

Winner: Bob Sutton

BRAVEHEART - the battle scenes in this almost made me lose my lunch, they were so realistic. I'm not sure if this truly belongs in the 'action' category, because it contains elements of drama, comedy, and epic adventure, I believe that the 3+ epic battle scenes do enough to warrant a 5th place in this category.

HOT FUZZ - Admittedly, this movie should be banned from this list because of all the back-handed references it makes towards other action movies. However, the lighthearted and quick witted Brits pulled off another badass movie that unlike many others in this category actually have SOME depth. I'm not saying this is the next Apocalypse Now or anything, but perhaps it leaves Micheal Bay playing in the shallow end.

TOP GUN - Does this need an explanation? Flying around in multi-million dollar jets, blowing things up. Oh yeah, and there is shirtless beach volleyball to boot!

KUNG FU HUSTLE - This action comedy brought me to tears during its pinnacle. It is that good. Not that I'm a Never-Cry person, I have a sensitive side. Stephen Chow's first big release in the US showcases the humility and hilarity that other action flicks seem to ignore. I mean, it is a MOVIE for crying out loud, it should entertain on multiple fronts. This movie keeps you guessing until the very end when your head finally explodes with awesomeness.

300 - Walking from the theater my father-in-law was so pumped up he growled at a random popcorn-carrying kid: "Give me that Popcorn!" It was hilarious. Few movies got me as pumped up as that movie did. And it is based on a true story, which appeals to the history lover in me.

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Good, diverse list there, Bob. Braveheart was a nice inclusion. Really set a new standard for epic battle scenes. But Hot Fuzz definitely sent it over the top for me. I've caught it five or six times since it's hit the movie channels, and I just don't think I'll ever grow tired of it. That said, you missed a magical opportunity by leaving out Point Break and Bad Boys II.

[Top 5 Action Movies of All-Time]

As "action" is a pretty loose term, a moderate amount of genre bleeding is to be expected. (If this is your first visit to DITF, here's how it works.)

5.) The Bourne Identity (2002): Contains one of the best (if not the best) car chases ever filmed and single-handedly raised the bar for what audiences expect out of a fight scene.

4.) Speed (1994):

Bus + Bomb + Ted = Fun.

3.) Predator (1987): Two future governors, an invisible alien and lots of big guns and exploding trees. Add a jumbo bag of Skittles, and I'm in Heaven.

2.) The Matrix (1999): Even with several dozen viewings under my belt, I always get chills when he stops the bullets at the end. Such a cool flick.

1.) Die Hard (1988): Needs no introduction or explanation. The father of the modern-day action movie. Twenty years later and everyone's still trying to live up to the standard set by John McClain. (Note: Don't feel like you have to leave this off your list just because it's on mine. In fact, you might have some explaining to do if it's not at least in your top three.)

*Top 5 Best Working Actresses*

Winner: mr. heatmiser

5. Marion Cotillard – see La Vie en Rose, Big Fish, assorted French films

4. Laura Linney – see The Squid and the Whale, Kinsey, The Savages

3. Jennifer Connelly – see The Labyrinth, Requiem for a Dream, Beautiful Mind, general hotness

2. Juliette Binoche – see The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Chocolat, Trois Couleurs

1. Frances McDormand – see Fargo, anything else

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Our first repeat winner. Nice list. Frances McDormand should have been on mine. Shame on me.

[Top 5 Best Working Actresses]

Pretty self-explanatory. Any actress still making movies (so yeah, no dead ones, please). As you’ll soon notice, this post is longer than the others, due mainly to a footnote toward the end that sort of got out of hand, lengthwise. Read as much, or as little, as you like.*

*Which is sort of redundant... a half-full/half-empty kind of statement. And of course it goes without saying that you don’t need, nor did you ask for, my permission to do either (or both).

5.) Natalie Portman I made this pick based on two roles: Mathilda in The Professional* (aka Leon aka The Cleaner) and Alice in Closer, the second strongest acting performance (eclipsed only by Clive Owen’s) in what is in my opinion the most well-acted** movie of the past decade. Her career as a whole, however, has been spotty at best, stained by her performances in the Star Wars prequels, though this was not entirely her fault (more on the Lucas-factor later) and Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium, one of the worst-reviewed movies of 2007. Thus her position at the end of the list.***

*At the risk of showing my bias here, I fell just skull over ankles in love with her because of this movie. And no, it’s not gross—I was thirteen at the time, and she’s three months older than I am.
**Yeah, “most well-acted” may be the most awkward, clunky phrase ever to dirty up the English language. One of those clichés borne out of no better way to say a thing.
***Or beginning, as it were. Though the beginning’s really the end in this case. I think countdowns (as opposed to countups) have more dramatic effect.

4.) Kate Winslet One of the most underrated actresses out there. She has overcome the Titanic stigma by posting outstanding performances in film after film, with four in particular coming to mind: Quills, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Finding Neverland and Little Children. She has one of the rarest qualities you can find in an actor—range—and I expect more good things from her in the years to come.

3.) Gwyneth Paltrow Again, some bias slipping in here. I’m a card-carrying, meeting-attending Gwynaholic. Have been since the mid-‘90s when she hit it big with Se7en, (actually caught my first glimpse in ’91—I distinctly recall thinking the young Wendy in Hook was the prettiest girl I’d ever seen in my life (I was ten)). She won an Oscar for Shakespeare in Love, but that doesn’t represent her best work. Gwyneth moved out of the ‘crush’ category and into the ‘amazing actresses I happen to find gorgeous’ category with Proof, for which she was nominated for a Golden Globe but snubbed by the Academy.*

Subcategory: Projected Names of Gwyneth's Next 5 Children:
1.) Avocado
2.) Possum
3.) Broofus
4.) Methuselah
5.) Helmet

*In favor of a handful of actresses whose films I didn’t see (and so won’t disparage them unjustly), Hillary Swank (Million Dollar Baby, for which she won—deservingly,** I think, though I can’t be sure, I guess, not having seen the others, as stated above) and my #4, Kate Winslet (for Eternal Sunshine).
**Stephen: I’ve been shopping at Lolly’s, as you can tell. And you were right, happiness did wash over me.

2.) Dame Judi Dench I feel sort of poser-ish putting her at number two—it implies a much deeper patronage/knowledge of her career than I possess. According to the always reliable, Michael Scott-approved Wikipedia, she received her formal training onstage in London as a member of the Royal Shakespeare Company. But I first got to know her as ‘M,’ James Bond’s boss, saw her again in Shakespeare in Love and then again in The Shipping News, which was the film that won me over. Like her male counterpart and fellow knight, Sir Anthony Hopkins, she’s one of those actors you don’t want to look away from when they’re onscreen—not even for a second—for fear of missing something special.

1.) Cate Blanchett Yeah, I know. Such a conventional choice. But sometimes the reason a convention becomes a convention is because it’s true. While there was some preliminary shifting around of #’s 2-5, I never doubted my #1 spot: Ms. Blanchett held it from the beginning. Elizabeth,* Lord of the Rings, The Shipping News (a minor part, but a good point of reference with respect to her range), The Aviator, Babel, Notes on a Scandal, I’m Not There (one of the strangest, most compelling performances I’ve seen to date), et cetera.** More than any other actor I can think of, male or female, she seems to approach each subsequent project as a challenge to reinvent herself. But unlike the majority of those who attempt this, she has the talent to pull it off.

*Don’t be fooled into thinking it’s a chick flick just because it involves a love story. For one, Geoffrey Rush is in it, and he kills people.
**So yeah, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull fits somewhere in here (spoilers ahead: don’t read on if you haven’t seen it yet and want to go in fresh), which brings me to the Lucas-factor, the ability of this modern filmmaking icon, draped in Millennium Falcon-adorned laurels, to draw more talent to his recent projects than he knows what to do with. And I mean that in a literal sense.

Not only is the new Indy movie the worst film George Lucas has ever made (and that’s saying a lot in light of The Phantom Menace), it’s the worst movie Harrison Ford has ever made as well (and that’s saying a whole hell of a lot in light of Hollywood Homicide). An insultingly predictable and lazily-constructed plot, one-dimensional and often incoherent character development, a slew of missed opportunities (not the least of which are underutilized actors—LaBeouf’s natural charm is wasted on a tough-guy greaser caricature while Blanchett is constricted to a sword-wielding stick-figure Communist whose motivations are never really articulated), almost no charm whatsoever (not entirely Ford’s fault, by the way—no one could’ve delivered those lines with any semblance of charisma (but his acting is also pretty bad)), too absurd and over-the-top even for an Indiana Jones film (yeah, I’m thinking of LaBeouf’s vine-swinging and the nuclear blast/fridge scene at the beginning with those cute little gophers a la Caddyshack—for a second it felt like I was watching a Pixar flick). Ultimately, it played more like the reunion episode of a sitcom than a feature film, a movie high on its own nostalgia, much to the detriment of the end product. This guy sums it up pretty well, I think.

And it would be a mistake to blame the director, because this is not a Spielberg movie—I refuse to believe the guy who made Munich could turn out something like this. Even his lower-tier efforts (Lost World, War of the Worlds, etc.) are pretty solid, respectable films, overall. No, George called the shots on this one. Spielberg, artistically crippled by Lucas’s close involvement with the project (and hesitant to give honest script notes that might have saved the film (but tested their friendship)), just worked the camera, kept his mouth shut, and now he’s stuck with it.

It’s like the guy whose wife gives him a wool sweater for his birthday. All the seams are crooked, the arms are too short and it’s a bright fluorescent orange. But even though it’s ugly as sin he wears it with pride, never saying a word, because he loves her, bless her heart, and he knows it took her five months to knit it.

Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is the orange sweater Lucas knitted for Spielberg. The real tragedy is that he used to be pretty handy with a needle.

*Top 5 Songs of the '80s*

Winner: Nam Nguyen

5. 18 and Life, Skid Row ('89) - This one's in the outfield compared to the rest of the group... but I can just remember playing this tape over and over in my brother's boom box wondering if I'd ever personally know the sound of '18 and life' followed by the slam and echo of a gavel ringing in my convicted ears.

4. Bizarre Love Triangle, New Order ('86) - I'll go ahead and say that I think this is an Asian thing. Either way, this song was and still is the JAM! Next question.

3. The Lady In Red, Chris DeBurg ('86) - I'll fight this one to the death. Pure unadulterated 80's love cheese and I can't get enough. I made sure we played this song at my wedding. That right, I totally did.

2. Take On Me, a-ha ('85) - How can one song win so many awards and then have the group vanish the very next year? Penciled in cartoon bad guys... I mean, come on! I wish I had played this one at my wedding too.

1. Beat It, Michael Jackson ('82) - I think he could have been the first black president if he would have run in the 80's. I used to think the chorus sang, 'no one wants to feel a beating...' Man, I even argued someone in high school for weeks until I went back and realized I'm an idiot. As if I hadn't come to that conclusion before.

[Top 5 Songs of the '80s]

After a longer wait than promised, and as a reward for your patience, I’ve gone with a topic I think everyone will be happy with. I was, at least.

I thought I'd need hours (maybe days) to come up with my list, what with all the ‘80s goodness floating around in my head, but in the end it took all of maybe two minutes. And there was no question about it -- it had to be these five. Collectively, they take me back to the happiest period in my life by far (age 0-9, approx.). It’s been pretty much downhill since.

5.) Send Me an Angel, Real Life (1983): A movie was released in 1986 that changed BMX racing the world forever. That movie was Rad. I’ll skip the synopsis/review, because I think the title speaks for itself. In the following clip, Cru Jones, local paperboy and Helltrack hopeful, takes to the dance floor in a freestyle trick-bike dance-off with Uncle Jesse’s wife from Full House, (who looks mysteriously dude-ish in the wide shots). If you’re a fan of Olympic Gymnastics (and who isn’t, when they’re being honest) you might also recognize US gymnastics champion-turned-announcer Bart Conner, who plays BMX badass Bart Taylor in the movie. “Send Me an Angel” was also featured in Teen Wolf Too, starring a young Jason Bateman, as well as The Wizard, starring an even younger Fred Savage (who still doesn’t look a day over twelve, by the way), but Rad was the original. Not sure how many times I watched this scene as a kid. Probably in the hundreds. At least more than the number of times I beat Contra. Not quite as many times as I watched the opening skateboarding sequence in Back to the Future. Somewhere around there. Anyway, all that said, I love this track.


4.) Danger Zone, Kenny Loggins (1986): Being six years old is all about danger. Whether you’re jumping from your tree house to the roof of the storage building or mixing different flavors of Kool-Aid together, you’re pushing yourself to the limit with every second. And not only was this song dangerous, it was so dangerous it needed its own zone. That, combined with Loggins’ edgy vocal stylings, made it my anthem through a large chunk of elementary school. One could justifiably compose his/her ‘80s list exclusively of Kenny Loggins’ hits, if one were so inclined (“Footloose,” “I’m Free (Heaven Helps the Man),” “Playing With the Boys,” “I’m Alright,” etc.).


3.) Glory of Love, Peter Cetera (1986): The Karate Kid Part II taught me how to love. First you chop through blocks of ice. Then you stand up to the village bully. Then you race a beautiful Okinawan girl up the seashore to the unmistakable falsetto of Chicago’s Peter Cetera. That's about it. Makes me a little sad that we’ve likely seen the end of the middle-aged pop artist (besides Madonna, I guess). You’ve got to be pretty nowadays and know how to dance and whatnot. And unfortunately, notwithstanding his Busey-esque good looks, Cetera’s got a dance for radio. This video just makes me happy in a whole bunch of indefinable ways.


2.) Thriller, Michael Jackson (1982): Thriller had a longer run in my Walkman than any other tape. I wasn’t allowed to watch MTV back then, so I didn’t see the video until years later. Couldn’t get enough of the song, though. Yep, before the plastic surgery and Jesus Juice and all that nonsense MJ was one of the coolest guys on the planet. (Thought about embedding the Philippines prison clip, but I figured almost everyone’s already seen it. Just in case, though, here it is.)

• MTV


• Music Videos


• MTV Shows


• Entertainment News

1.) Heart of Rock n Roll, Huey Lewis and the News (1984): My favorite song from the time I was five to about eleven. The first song I can remember singing along with when it came on the radio. Easily beats “We Didn’t Start the Fire,” “Vogue” and “The ABCs” for the title of “Greatest Listing Song of All-Time.” Next to Mozart’s “Requiem,” maybe the best piece of music ever written, period. You heard me right.


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AUTHOR THOMAS PYNCHON TURNED 72 TODAY. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TOM. I'LL FINISH GRAVITY'S RAINBOW THIS SUMMER, I SWEAR.

*Top 5 Movie Quotes of the Last 25 Years*

Winner: Justin Barclay

American Beauty

Mr. Smiley's manager: I don't think you'd fit in here.Lester: I have fast food experience.Mr. Smiley's manager: Yeah, like twenty years ago!Lester: Well, I'm sure there have been amazing technological advances in the industry, but surely you must have some sort of training program. It seems unfair to presume I won't be able to learn.

Fight Club

Tyler Durden: Do you know what a duvee is?Jack: It's a comforter.Tyler Durden: It's a blanket. Just a blanket. Now why do guys like you and me know what a duvee is? Is this essential to our survival, in the hunter-gatherer sense of the word? No. What are we then?Jack: Consumers?Tyler Durden: Right. We are consumers. We're the by-products of a lifestyle obsession.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Harmony: Well, for starters, she's been fucked more times than she's had a hot meal.Harry: Yeah, I heard about that. It was neck-and-neck and then one day she skipped lunch.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Cameron: Okay Ferris, can we just let it go, please?Sloane: Ferris, please. You've gone to far. We're going to get busted.Ferris: A, You can never go too far. B, If I'm gonna get busted, it is not gonna be by a guy like that.

Tombstone

Billy Clanton: Hey. Hey. Is that Old Dog Trey? Sounds like Old Dog Trey.Doc Holliday: Pardon?Billy Clanton: You know, Stephen Foster. "Oh, Susannah", "Camptown Races". Stephen stinking Foster.Doc Holliday: Ah, yes. Well, this happens to be a nocturne.Billy Clanton: A which?Doc Holliday: You know, Frederic fucking Chopin.

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Never seen Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Great joke, though. Sort of Tarantino-ish. Guess I need to check it out.

NEW CATEGORY COMING SOON

[Top 5 Movie Quotes of the Last 25 Years]

I know I said the next category would be music related, but I had so much fun picking out favorite quotes for the first one I figured I'd give them the undivided attention they deserve.

Why 25? It's a nice, round number, whereas 28 (clean as it may be in terms of a decade cutoff) is not. Would've looked all oblong and ugly up there on the title line. And we're all about aesthetics here at DITF. So yes, that means Airplane, The Empire Strikes Back, On Golden Pond, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Porky's and Star Trek: Wrath of Khan are out. I am not, however, without mercy, so I'm including all of 1983 (even though technically only the latter eight months -- less twelve days -- belong to the time period in question), which means Trading Places, Return of lthe Jedi, Mr. Mom, Octopussy, Scarface and Risky Business are in play. You're welcome.

5.) No Country For Old Men (2007): "You keep runnin that mouth I'm gonna take you in the back and screw ya." -Llewelyn Moss
Couldn't find a picture of him on the couch with Carla Jean, so ignore the wet hair and gun. And the fact that he's probably looking at a dog. So many good lines in this movie. Haven't read the book, so I'm not sure if this one's in it. I heard the Cohens stayed pretty faithful, though. Thought about going with "If it ain't, it'll do till the mess gets here," the line Tommy Lee Jones seemed born to deliver. It manages to be endearing in that classic cowboy kind of way without crossing into hokey yokel-speak. Such a hard thing to pull off, and it's handled perfectly the whole way through.

4.) When Harry Met Sally (1989): "The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe you're either (a.) not at home, (b.) home but don't want to talk to me, or (c.) home, desperately want to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy." -Harry Burns
Since the first time I heard it I've been itching for an opportunity to leave this message on someone's machine. Maybe someday TBS will stop showing the movie five times per week so I can safely plagiarize it. They've shown no sign of letting up, though.

3.) Clerks (1994): "People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl Mom." -Randal Graves
This made me laugh when I was thirteen, and it still makes me laugh at twenty-six. Not sure if that says more about the quality of the movie or of the person watching it. (This film also gave a new and universally-recognized meaning to the number thirty-seven (at least among junior high boys.))

2.) Dazed and Confused (1993): "Wipe that face off your head, bitch." -Darla Marks
D&C has a lot of oft-quoted one liners, but this is easily my favorite. (On a related side note, last Monday I walked past a group of guys who'd just picked up their Greeked-out fraternity paddles. Ever the outgoing non-traditional undergrad, I turned to them and asked, "Where's the FAH-Q?" I got three blank stares in return. Thinking they must have misheard, I clarified, "You know, Dazed and Confused?" Still nothing. Made me want to snatch one away and take a few swings. (On another side note, this year's high school freshmen were born in 1995.))

1.) Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998): "Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. A normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow." -Raoul Duke (a.k.a. Hunter S. Thompson)

Maybe the most quotable film since the first talkies were released to the viewing public. I was going to pull out the bat country exchange, but it's sort of a dead horse nowadays, having had all but a sliver of its original coolness neutered via an ill-fated association with Avenged Sevenfold. Other contenders:

[Raoul]: You better take care of me, Lord. If you don't you're gonna have me on your hands.

[Raoul]: Quick, like a bunny.

[Parking Attendant]: You can't park your car here. [Raoul]: Why not? Is this not a reasonable place to park? [Parking Attendant]: Reasonable? You're on a sidewalk! This is a sidewalk!

[Raoul]: Look, there's two women fucking a polar bear!

[Raoul]: There's a uh, big machine in the sky, some kind of, I dunno, electric snake, coming straight at us. [Dr. Gonzo]: Shoot it. [Raoul]: Not yet. I want to study its habits.

[Dr. Gonzo] (to a waitress): Did they pay you to screw that bear?

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POST YOUR LIST IN THE COMMENTS SECTION BELOW! (ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING IT.)

*Top 5 Things That Defined the '90s*

Winner: Stephanie

5.) Dave Matthews Band - I really enjoyed DMB back in the 90s. Satellite, Crash, Ants Marching. I just wish Dave had stayed in the 90s...

4.) The Branch Davidians - not only did this have a huge impact while the standoff in 1993 was going on, but it has pretty much irreversably changed the reaction of any person that I encountered when I revealed that I was from Waco. Countless David Koresh wife/child jokes and/or other B.D. references were born. And it was then that I knew I had to do whatever it took to get out of that town.

3.) Chicago Bulls - someone referenced Jordan earlier, but for me it was the whole team. I still have vivid memories of watching John Paxson sink that three pointer with 3 seconds left on the clock that won them the game. I remember it was at my neighbor's house, in one of my friend's rooms on one of those 13 inch TVs. I think our parents were having a church prayer meeting in the living room or something, but we were soaking up the glory of the Bulls.

2.) Channel 1 - anything that took time away from having to actually learn anything, or talk about The Great Gatsby (sorry Mr. Heatmiser) was fine with me. How Lisa Ling and Anderson Cooper were able to survive with their careers in tact is still a mystery to me though.

1.) TGIF - This Friday night block of ABC shows brought us so many unfunny sitcoms that I for some reason enjoyed and watched religiously. (the TV addiction runs deep, my friends). Perfect Strangers, Just the 10 of Us, Full House, Family Matters, and that Susanne Somers trainwreck, Step By Step. If Uncle Jesse and Urkel don't define the 90's, I don't know what does.

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A NEW CATEGORY WILL BE UP LATER TODAY.

[Top 5 Things That Defined the '90s]

. . . for you, personally, or in general. And I used "things" (instead of "movies," "songs," etc.) to hopefully make the selection process a little more challenging/interesting. So yeah, anything '90s-related is fair game.

5.) OJ Simpson Trial (1995)
"If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit!"

And they did.

4.) Pulp Fiction (1994)
Too many memorable moments/quotes to list here. Though I will say that Christopher Walken’s watch speech is one of my favorite monologues in movie history.



3.) Seinfeld (1989-1997)
Yada Yada, The Soup Nazi, The Marble Rye, Festivas, Sponge-Worthy, Puffy Shirt, Master of My Domain, Junior Mint, Parking Garage, High Five, Frogger, Serenity Now, The Pez Dispenser, The Nose Job, The Smelly Car, The Shower Head, The Summer of George, The Maestro, The Wiz, The Red Spot, Little Kicks, The Christmas Card, The Marine Biologist, Vandelay Industries, The Couch, Jimmy, Muffin Tops, Man Hands, Poppy’s Sloppy, et cetera, et cetera…

If nothing else, that I don’t need to explain any of the above for you to know exactly what I’m talking about justifies this pick.



2.) Jon Secada’s “Just Another Day” (1992)
Or anything by Jon Secada, really. The second I hear his voice, backed by heavily reverbed synthesizer and drum machine, I’m in fifth grade again, holding hands with my then girlfriend, Mary… I don’t remember her last name, but I remember this song and that she was very pretty, but I was too scared to kiss her because how the hell are you supposed to kiss somebody anyway? Check out the '90s-tastic video below:

1.) The Rise of the Internet (1990-1999)
Here’s a quick historical overview, culled from various sources, for those who might be interested:

1990 - The World-Wide Web software is created by Tim Berners-Lee
1991 - The number of internet hosts breaks 600,000
1992 - The number of internet hosts breaks 1 million; there are 50 web pages
1993 - The number of internet hosts breaks 2 million; Mosaic web browser launched, spurs web annual growth rate of 341,634% in 1994
1994 - Yahoo! is launched; first shopping sites go online
1995 - The number of internet hosts breaks 4 million; Ebay and Amazon are launched.
1996 - The number of internet hosts breaks 9 million; Microsoft releases Internet Explorer
1997 - The number of internet hosts breaks 16 million; there are 1 million web sites; for the first time, more e-mails are sent than letters
1998 - 50% of North American homes have PCs
1999 - 150 million web users; 800 million web pages; 92 Silicon Valley companies go public

*Top 5 Coolest Male Film Roles of All-Time*

Winner: Aaron Wedemeyer

5. (Tie) Nicolas Cage & John Travolta – Face/Off
-It’s not fair really. They both get to play not one but two cool guys.

4. Matthew McConaughey – Dazed and Confused
-You want cool? How much cooler can you get than a 20-something burnout scoping freshmen girls. And that moustache? Game over.

3. Peter Weller – RoboCop
-He’s half robot for crying out loud!

2. Pat Morita – Karate Kid - Mr. Miyagi.
-He makes bonsai trees, fishes, works as the maintenance man for an apartment complex that looks like a Motel 6, and with the help of quick cut editing, can kick some serious ass.

1. Hilary Swank – Boy’s Don’t Cry
-I’m still not convinced she’s not a dude.

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I was having trouble choosing a list, so I decided to make it easier on myself and pick the one with the single coolest character in its roster. Mr. Miyagi was the obvious choice here, as I think you'll all agree. To this day when I find I'm in a situation I can't handle on my own, (in a karate tournament fighting to regain my honor from preppy thugs, for instance) I stop and ask myself,

"What would Miyagi do?"

Crane kick to the face, that's what.

TO WEED:

You almost lost for putting him in the number two spot. Shame on you. RoboCop was a nice addition. The Hilary Swank comment was hilarious.

TO EVERYONE:

Thanks for posting your lists -- I enjoyed reading them. New category coming soon!

-Ryan

[Instructions (READ THIS FIRST)]

HOW IT WORKS:
1.) Every two weeks or so a new category will be posted. The categories will shy away from the more typical, broad variety (i.e. Top 5 Movies, Top 5 Books, etc.), and will instead trend toward the narrower in focus (i.e. Top 5 Ways to Tell Your Mother-In-Law it’s Time For Her to Go Home).
2.) Read my list. Or don’t.
3.) Write your list in the comments section at the bottom of each post (COMMENTS).
4.) Read other people’s lists, and tell them how foolish they are for picking the way they did.
5.) At the end of the two weeks I’ll choose a winner based on a set of criteria I'll likely make up on the fly. The winner’s picks will then be moved to the top of the main post, there to marinate in the jealousy of his or her enemies.

(FIRST CATEGORY POSTED BELOW!)

[Top 5 Coolest Male Film Roles of All-Time]

In honor of tonight's little shindig over at the Kodak Theatre. And we're ranking the guys first. Why? I'm sexist. What do I mean by 'cool'? Good question. Tough word to define, that one, vague and scumbled as it's become in the modern vernacular. In our case, let's let a 'cool' role refer to a character possessing any number of intangible qualities, including -- but not necessarily limited to -- charisma, eccentricity, poise and/or screen presence, inspiring in the viewer (you) wonderment, esteem, jealousy, fantasized camaraderie, reverence and/or the overwhelming urge to bear his lovechild. Remember, this is your list, not Roger Ebert's, so please try and resist the temptation to pick the 'right' answers. This isn't a contest to decide who has the most profound working knowledge of classic films. If you can't get enough of Affleck in Gigli, don't snub him for Brando in Streetcar Named Desire because you think it'll earn you brownie points. It won't. It'll earn you naughty points.

Enough talk. . . on to the lists!

5.) Rob Gordon, High Fidelity (2000) - John Cusack With a bullet. And no, in case you're wondering, his inclusion should not be interpreted as a by-default-homage to the catalyst for this blog, not that such a tribute wouldn't've been completely justified. In truth, I have an unhealthy obsession with the film. I've seen it more than When Harry Met Sally (which is to say, a whole hell of a lot). And each time I watch it I find myself wanting desperately to be Rob Gordon in all his record-store-owning nerdy-hipster-elitist-friend-having improbably-hot-ex-girlfriend-stalking sonic-death-monkey-hating manic-depressive glory.

Favorite line(s): "Charlie, you fucking bitch. Let's work it out!"

4.) R.P. McMurphy, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) - Jack Nicholson Back in the day when his practice of dating twenty year olds wasn't quite so icky. This role gives us Jack in his prime. Devilish grin? Check. Creepy, mischievous eyebrows? Check. More charisma in a tiny twitch of the facial tissue than any one human being should be capable of producing with his entire body?a The film also marked the entrance of "Nurse Ratched" into the lexicon as a term of endearment for nagging, overbearing wives. Try it out on your old lady tonight and see if it doesn't just roll off the tongue like a buttered marble. In the interest of full disclosure, I suppose I should acknowledge the fact that six years separate 1975 and the day I finally ripened on the old umbilical cord. No matter. That I watched it for the first time on VHS gives me some sort of credibility, right?. . . Right?. . . Right.

Favorite line(s): "Is that crazy enough for ya? Want me to take a shit on the floor?"

3.) The Sheriff of Nottingham, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) - Alan Rickman A.K.A. the counterweight to Costner's yawn-inspiring performance (aided in no small part by the leading star's trademarked now-you-hear-it, now-you-don't British-ish accent) and the reason I'll still watch this movie from beginning to end every blessed time it encores on TNT. If I ever put up a "Top 5 Most Creative Ways to Kill Someone" category, his heart removal via spoon will most certainly make an appearance. Honestly now, does any other working actor play bad quite as good? What would Die Hard have been without his Hans Gruber? Harry Potter without his Severus Snape? Quigley Down Under without his Elliot Marston? (Go look it up.) In the words of everyone's favorite preggo teen: As far as villains go, Alan Rickman is totally boss.

Favorite line(s): "Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans, no more merciful beheadings, and call off Christmas."

2.) William Cutting, Gangs of New York (2002) - Daniel Day-Lewis It takes a certain breed of actor to make a racist, blood-thirsty sociopath this likeable. I find I'm somewhat addicted to Day-Lewis these days. His portrayal of Bill the Butcher was about as magnetic as anything I've ever seen, and his performance in this year's There Will Be Blood was pants-soilingly good. If his output volume over the past decade is any indication, he won't appear on-screen again for another three years. That's okay, though. Quality over quantity and all that. When he does decide to come back, bringing with him that awesome stage presence and incomparable intensity, you can bet I'll be there on opening night, ass firmly planted in-seat, with bells on. And an extra pair of boxers, just in case.

Favorite line(s): "That, my friends, is the minority vote."

1.) Mickey O'Neil, Snatch (2000) - Brad Pitt

Never mind that I didn't understand a word he said the first time I saw it. (And only marginally more the second time.) Mickey O'Neil is the coolest character in a movie preoccupied with its own coolness, and my personal pick for the coolest male film role of all-time. He's brash, ("Ya got a deadly kick fer a fat focker), unapologetically vocal about his bowel movements, ("I need to have a shite!"), and routinely beats the hell out of men thrice his size, for whom a single bare-fisted shot to the noggin often proves too much to endure. You've gotta give it to Guy Richie for conceiving a character that so fully embodies the essence of raw, testosterone-fueled maledom, and you've gotta give it to Brad Pitt for pulling the whole thing off so nicely. Kind of ironic, though. Who'd've thought the most memorable character in the Richie Universe was destined to be played by an American? Oh, so you disagree? Bollocks, you say? How shall we decide it, then?

I'll fight ya fer it. You'n me.

Favorite Line: "ThfockdIwantacaravanthatsgotnofocknwheels?"

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